Being a mom means not being selfish

When you are a mom, you have nothing any more. Everything you do and have is theirs and in turn God's. For without Him you wouldn't have a thing nor a child to give it to. Being a mom is great but it's also the hardest thing any one can do.

You have to forget everything about yourself and focus on them. You will never pee alone again!!!

Sometimes being a mom means making harder decisions for your kids then what they will wear that day or what preschool to send them too.

I had to make a choice like that and it tears me apart. But this year Bryceton is not living with us. He wants to be with Michael. And while I am scared and worried and I miss him, I know he needs this. I prayed about it for so long. I fought God with my own selfish reasons. But in the end I gave in and did what I need to do. I can tell a HUGE difference in him already! He sounds happy, he is doing good on home work Michael has him doing. He is doing his chores and earning an allowance. He is excited to start 4th grade next week :)

Bryceton was struggling with a lot here and I think a new environment is just what he needs. I know I will be judged. People will gossip and whisper. Ohhh now she has TWO of her kids not living with her. Well I don't care. I had no choice about Madison I did my best. But I am doing this for Bryceton. Not me, not Michael, not anyone but him. His happiness and well being are my only concerns not what anyone has to say. I doubt many women could let their baby go so far away for a year even if it was the best thing you could do for them. He was being bullied here and talked into stealing. He was miserable missing his dad and sister. So I am doing what I feel in my heart is right even if I don't like it!

It's weird just having the girls here. It's always been Bryceton and I. From the start. It's also hard not having him here to help with his sisters or check the mail like he loved to do! But it's only a year and he will be back and hopefully be in a better place within himself.

In other news Kadence started Kindergarten today and Isabella pre-k!! For the first time EVER in my life allll the kids were out of the house today. I slept until 2 pm lol. It was great! Isabella cried at school after lunch missing us but she will get used to it :)

Olivia turned 3 last month and we had a birthday party at Creekmoore pool! It was a lot of fun and I appreciate everyone who came :)

Everything is good here. Stressed with school and bows and bills but it will all work out. Hopefully I will be working in the Spring and can get rid of all 3 of those stresses :)

Well I hope everyone had a good first day of school this week! Have a great night!

Sweet Sunburn, it's hot!

Hello. My name is Angela, and I am a TERRIBLE blogger!

No seriously. I used to blog almost daily if not at least 3 times a week. Now I never do. And it sure isn't because I have nothing to say. It's because I never have time. And if I do have a free moment, I want to use it to watch tv since I rarely get to...

Oh so much. Let's start with the biggest thing! OLIVIA is 3 today! Woo! She is just growing up too fast. Man my kids drive me nuts a lot of times but sometimes I want to hold them and love them and make them stay young forever. We aren't doing anything special today. Maybe dinner tonight and some cupcakes, but other than that we are saving up for her birthday party which has to be in August because the pool was reserved all of July lol. Oh well she will never know, and it will still be plenty HOT :)

I already gave her one present. A Princess and the Frog swim suit and matching flip flops. She LOVES Printhess and da fwog ;)

We had our family pictures made while Madison was here. (She leaves Friday :( ...) It's been 2 years since a family pic but only 1 year since we had the kids made. We try to do that every year when Madison is here. I don't get many pictures of her throughout the year. Maybe 4? Including those taken with a cell phone. But enough about that. It is what it is and complaining about it isn't going to change it. God has a plan there and I just have to wait.

Kadence played t-ball this year. Honestly I don't think she liked it. Honestly I didn't like it either. It's just too hot. Most of her games were at 5:30 and it's just been so unbearably hot at that time. She looked all miserable out in the field. So I guess t-ball and baseball will not be our family's thing. But I want them all to give it a try and see first. So I am going to put her in cheer :) I think she will enjoy that a lot more.

We had her end of the year party at the Alma Water park. It was our first time there. I really enjoyed it. I was very wary of getting in a swim suit but I saw a lot of other bigger moms out there and it put me at ease. I didn't feel like I had to be a size 2 to swim with my kids. They also had a blast and I am hoping we can take them again soon. Just sad that Madison wont be with us.

Blaine got a new job. So far it's been AWESOME! He isn't even hired on yet and his checks for one week are almost what he made in 2 weeks at wal-mart because of all the over time. And it will only get better when he is hired on. This one guy who works there had an $800 check last week. For one week :) We are soo soo very thankful for the job. We have prayed about this for a long time. We owe it all to God and all of you who prayed with us.

Kadence graduated pre-k! She will be in Kindergarten this year. It makes me so nervous. Bryceton has learned so many things at school and the bus from older kids and it worries me what people will say in front of her. Parents really need to think about the things they watch on tv or say when their kids are around. I remember in Kindergarten Bryceton came home singing "penis, penis, penis, penis" I about flipped! And he knew what it was too. Now maybe you call it a penis anyway, because well that is what it is, but I don't want my kids using such grown up terms and not in Kindergarten! He also learned sex the year before last, yeah second grade!!! He stayed the night with a friend and told her son who was younger than him, that his parents (the kids) were in their room having sex! I was appalled. I had to sit down and talk to him about where he heard that and I got a dictionary and showed him sex meant male or female. I am not READY for this. And it is so hard to keep that word out of the house. I freak every time it says it on tv and it says it more than you know. Even commercials, even Everybody loves Raymond! Crap ABC FAMILY says it over 20 times a show. I know they are just trying to promote education and awareness but some people are not ready for their kids to be aware. I mean when is a good time? What do you say? Do you give them all the details or just that it's a special thing between married moms and dads? I guess it's silly to ask because I think I have the oldest child of all who read this, but maybe you guys can think of your own talks with your parents or imagine what you would say and at what age? I just don't know.....I also don't know how I went from Kindergarten to sex talks but oh well! I am just rambling. This is what happens when you dont blog for months!

Now let's end the blog with I have been sick for over a week almost 2 weeks now and Blaine has it now boo :( But I am feeling a lot better than I have in 2 weeks :)

And here are some cute pictures from things mentioned in the blog! Hope you all have a great week :)

Easter

Ahhh Easter. A wonderful holiday! The best in my opinion. But holidays are very hard for me. It's hard not having my mom here to go to church with me. To bring gifts to my kids. To hide eggs and open presents with them. It's hard not having any where to go for Easter Lunch, Thanksgiving or Christmas Dinner, Mother's Day. I always get really down around holidays. But I just put on my fake smile and blink away my tears. For the kids. I have to.

I think if I had some close as family type friends things would be easier. But everyone is usually busy doing their own thing with their family. They don't know what it's like to lose their mom, at such a young age too. They don't know what it is like to not have grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins. There was so much more I needed to know. So much more to learn. So many stories I wanted to hear. I wasn't done. But her time was and there's nothing that can change it.

Imagine your kids lives without anyone but you and your spouse. It would feel somewhat empty and gray I bet. So maybe I spoil my kids a little more on holidays and birthdays than some people do. But no one else is going to do it for me. No nana's or mimi's or pop pops. Not pappy's, or grannies, or memaws. Not for these kiddos. And it's really even more sad to say that my dad who is alive has nothing to do with them. I try to go out of my way to bring them over and get him to spend time with them and he sends them outside or tells us to watch tv. He couldn't even tell you all their names I bet. He doesn't come see them at Christmas or come to birthday parties. He has never gotten them a card or picked out a gift. He doesn't pray for them or hold them. Everything my mom would do hundred times over if she could and he could care less.

I'm really glad everyone had a wonderful Easter. I did too as best as I can because my Savior lives and I have my kids. I am very blessed in that and I know it. Just do me a favor, and think about what it's like to be me and my kids. And maybe try a tad bit harder to be a little bit friendly next time you see someone you don't know so well, because you never know when your kind words or even a hug, could mean the world to someone just like me. Maybe post on their facebook, send a text, or an email. Just a little comment like "I know this is a hard time for you" or hey friend I know today will be rough, well it isn't that hard to do and it really could make someone feel really good. It's good to step outside of your own little box of rainbows and sunshine sometimes and spread it to someone else.

My Beautiful Kids, minus Madison Grace :(

They looked so sweet in their outfits. Sure are growing up. I wish my mom could see them and hold them just once.


Yay! Buckets!

Tulsa is the place to be!

Last Friday I had lunch with my friend Sheryl when she mentioned taking her girls to the Tulsa zoo, but her husband had to work. Well so did Blaine so I thought it would be a fun trip just us mommies and our kiddos. Fun is not the word lol. Stressful, hectic, and maybe loud ha! No, we did have some fun. We left a little too late on Friday because it does take time to pack for 6 kids, we stopped at Whataburger in Broken Arrow of course then right to a hotel.

Well actually to 3 hotels trying to find the perfect one lol. We needed an indoor pool and a suite for a king ;)

We got just that and went right to bed and got up at 6 am for breakfast. Then we took a swim and then came back and showered for the zoo only it was raining. So we decided to wait out the rain at the mall. They had a Tangled adventure at the Disney store and all my girls got a nightgown, flip flops, tshirt, bag, cup, and Barbie of their favorite princess. Isabella loves Belle, Kadence loves Rapunzel, and Olivia loves Ariel :) Bryceton got Phineas and Ferb lol

We finally made it to the zoo but it was cold and misty and not a lot out. So back to shopping and eating then we just decided to head back. The zoo gave us free passes though for another day.

So Wednesday Blaine was off for 2 days and we decided to head back just as a little family. It was only our second family "vacation" I know Tulsa isn't Disney World or even Branson, but we definitely enjoyed it being away from home and seeing all the stores :)

The sun ended up coming out Thursday when we got to the zoo and we just had a wonderful time.

We took the kids to build a bear and let them each get something. Our big Easter present to them this year! We decided we can go back on their birthdays for special family time and let them pick stuff for their bears (Kadence got a bunny).

Moments and trips like this REALLY make me miss my mom. It's so hard not to have any family. I think people think just my mom is gone, but I really have no one. There isn't anyone in my life that wants to be here for my kids and do things with them and spend time with them. No one cheers them on or sends them presents for special days. If I have a bad day I can't call up my sister or aunt or grandmother. If I am sick and just need some help around here or someone to take the kids, there isn't anyone. It's horrible. My mom should have been there on the trip with us, taking pictures of us, splashing with her grand kids at the pool. We never have pictures of us all together because I am always taking them. Sorry not trying to drag down the happy moment I just want everyone to know how lucky they are and not to take the time and people for granted.
And though I do have a couple of good friends, it just isn't the same as having family. I won't ever have mom and daughter time with my mom, so I know I want to be there for my kids as much as I can while I can!

Things are really crazy busy around here with bows school pageants etc. But hopefully things settle down soon. I am really thankful for the time I had with the kids last week and even though some minutes I wanted to pull my hair out, I would never trade it for a thing!

Spring has sprung!

Oh man I am loving this weather. I wish it could stay like this all year. But we all know it will be unbearable this summer :\

Spring break is wrapping up around here. Mine was last week and the kids is this week. Nothing exciting going on, except I got a nice little surprise that Madison was here and I got to spend a day with her. Someday hopefully I will be spending more time with her. Whatever the Lord gives me.

Isabella is LOVING school. They brag on her and say how good she is. She hasn't cried once! I am so proud. She will only go until May when I get out of school then she will start pre-k here in the fall. Boy my kiddos are just growing up!

Bryceton and Madison turned 10 and 7 a couple of weeks ago! I still remember their births and how different each were. We almost had Madison on Brycetons 3rd birthday but the rooms were full and we were scheduled the next day. It's weird to think that more than half of Brycetons chidhood is over. In only 8 years he will be a man and be going off to college and starting a new life. 8 years used to seem like a long time, now it doesn't seem long enough at all.

We had a party for him at the Outback at Flame. It was fun. I have to tell you I LOVED that the little helpers did it all! They even set out the decorations. BONUS :) Took a lot of stress off.

Lastly we still haven't found a church we like as much as Lavaca. Guess it was just meant to be. I was just really hoping to have more connection and friends outside of church too. Maybe I will just try harder. I have prayed a lot about it and I just feel like that is home. So thanks if anyone prayed with me. I appreciate it.

Anyway hope everyone had a good week and has a better weekend :)

God leads the way!

I always find that I am daily surprised at God's plans for me, for my whole family. A couple of good things God has sent my way this week. I'll start with, we have been praying about church. (As previously mentioned) We haven't felt, I guess comfortable would be a good word, at ours for a while. So much that we don't even want to go. I don't like the feelings I feel when I am there. It distracts me from my focus on God and I don't want that. We toughed it out for the kids for a while but you know the saying if Mama ain't happy..... I want to feel like I really belong. I want to spend time with Christian moms and their kids outside of church as well as in. Not to be all pity me or anything because it's fine really, but I have been invited on like 1 play date in all this time. Seriously 1. No lunch dates with just moms or moms and kids. It's kind of off putting to say the least. Especially to read about others getting together and all they fun they have. I know I have tried to get together here or there but it never happened. A lot of times I can't do Girls nights because Blaine works or I have the kids or bows. Anyway I just want to fit in with everyone more.

So I reached out to a lady at Harvest Time. Blaine and I are going to meet her and her husband for a tour and she already invited me to a play date at the mall . I already feel so completely welcome and its nice. If anyone reads this please dont take it wrong as you weren't all nice and friendly you all are. I personally just need something. I don't have any family, or many Christian friends I can look up to. The only way I am going to get where I need to be is to have those examples to follow and those more experienced Christian wives and mothers showing me the way. We aren't making a decision yet, just checking it out. My first priority in a church is something awesome for the kids. I didn't grow up in church I didnt know much about God I dont want the same for my kids. And if it isn't right for us, God will let us know. All I do know is I have a completely empty feeling inside me when I am not in a church family. I want the void to be filled with praise and worship among my church family. So just pray we find something soon or get it figured out, or even feel better about staying and going to fbc.

On a much happier note, I am feeling really good about this. Isabella is the only one home during the day. We felt really bad she didn't test in for Olivia's school but relieved also that she is too smart for her age. Well it's been pretty hard to watch her not understanding why everyone goes to school but her. It's been hard to hear her say "I wanna go" all the time. On Wednesday it was a breaking point. I had to go to school and Blaine was so exhausted from a long night at work he crashed on the couch. I got out of the shower to find Isabella sitting quietly in the dark living room (only the tv was on) reading a post card from the dentist office. It really just broke my heart because I had to leave and what choice did she have but to lay down with Blaine. So I broke out the phone book and called every day care I could find in Poteau. None of them took part time kids. I wasnt going to drive 45 minutes to take her on days I am not in school, so I just prayed and went to school. After my 11 am class I usually have an hour before my next class, but we had a test that day and I got out early. I usually eat lunch with 2 friends from my class so I decided to drive around and "see" Poteau lol while waiting for them to get out. I started to drive and just turned down a street not far from the school. I saw some beautiful churchs and as I was passing by one, First Christian Church, I saw a little sign for their day care saying they were accepting enrollments. Was that not a sign? I called the number and she told me to stop by and have a tour.

They were so nice and the facility was clean and fun! They learn about educational things such as letters and animals and numbers, as well as Bible teachings. I was excited until I heard the price. $24 a day! And she would go 2 days Monday and Wednesday, since I am only gone for 2 hours on Friday. I talked to Blaine about it, and the only way we could swing it, is to not eat out. :( Boo but a sacrifice I am willing to make for Isabella. We took her up there Friday and they welcomed her completely even took her outside to play and meet some kids and her teachers.

She will start next week because my spring break is this week. I am just so thankful to the Lord for leading me to it. I cannot wait to see how she does.

Also we changed the kids room, painted and redecorated Brycetons room for the girls, and he went into their old room as is (poor guy has a princess room for now!) Then next year we will do the conversion of our garage into his room then repaint the princess room for Kadence and my work room. Fun Fun! I worked very hard getting in done in 2 days :) Here are some pics!

Tragedy

I just read a blog that really makes me think twice about posting the every day mundane complaints or look at my new purse/shoes/hair cut story.....

A beautiful healthy sweet 4 month old. Maddie. Out of no where stops breathing....here one second, gone the next.Could you even imagine spending 4 short months with your baby to have her taken from you? The pain this family must be going through. To lay their sweet daughter to rest. To come home to a quiet empty house, to see all those tiny baby things laying around. I'd probably have to set my house on fire....

Many of you dont know and some of you do that I too have suffered the loss of a child. Different than this, but also the same. I'm not going into details. I don't talk about it. To anyone except my dearest friends and even then, it's hard. But I was young then handled it differently than I probably would now. Just like the death of my mother.....

This family seems to be handling it as best as you can handle this type of tragedy. I find in these times I really question what God is doing. I know I shouldn't. I know He has plan and it is best this way. But how many can honestly say, that if you lost your child tomorrow, you wouldn't ask why? I think that's what makes us human. The inability to understand. Why murders and rapists roam free while innocent children are murdered and beaten and just gone.

Well the point of this blog was not to go on about my feelings or thoughts, it was to send a message from the family, who will be burying their 4 month old princess tomorrow (Wednesday) that in honor of her, you have your daughter(s) wear big bows as Maddie so often did.

You can read about it here, and send your love, prayers and thoughts their way http://kandjstaats.blogspot.com/

The Bows I made for the girls to wear to show support for Maddie

Kadence wearing her "For Maddie" Bow and necklace

5 years ago

February 18, 2006, was our wedding Day. It was very bittersweet to be honest. We kind of threw it together in 3 days. We were just going to get married no dress or cake etc, but who wants that? SO I bought a dress, my friends mom made the cake, we made punch, bought a few left over Valentine's decorations and invited a few close friends and family. My mom had just passed away 5 months before, so my heart ached that she could not be there. Of course, it wouldn't be our wedding without some kinda of drama or disaster. We woke up that morning to an ice storm! It was very hard to drive to the church and some people couldn't make it. Very noticeable when you only invited like 15 people lol. Oh well we all enjoyed ourselves anyway and I married my best friend!

My dad actually showed up, surprisingly and walked me down the aisle. We had cake and punch and the kids danced and played with balloons and blew bubbles. No honey moon for us, we had an instant family and their needs came first, some day though we will have a wonderful honey moon! Even though these past 5 years have been hard and we have struggled and went through so much, I am glad to say we made it through together. Most people dealing with what we have dealt with would probably have divorced by now, so I praise God for holding us together when we couldn't do it ourselves. Here are a few pictures from the wedding and previous anniversaries :)

Kadence's 25!

What should have taken maybe 5 days has taken what 2 or 3 weeks lol? I thought I would have more free time but with all the snow days, my free time went right out the window. I am honestly so happy the kids are back in school. Don't get me wrong I love my kids but a momma can only take so much lol.



Okay so here is 25 Random things about Kadence Faith


1* Kadence was born October 19th 2005. She should have been here the 18th but Dr.Rainwater forget to schedule my room :(

2* Kadence weighed 8 pounds and 4 oz. It was an easy labor but hard birth because she was in the occiput posterior position, meaning she was facing up rather than down, making it a little more difficult to deliver.

3* Kadence's nickname as a baby was, Poo Poo. Yep. That was even on her first birthday cake lol. She out grew it around age 2!

4* Kadence is the only one of my girls whose name was not in the top 5 baby girl names the year they were born. Cadence was 71 lol and Faith 76.

5* Kadence is my original finger sucker, lol. She started at 4 months (and I will include a picture) sucking her middle and forefinger backwards in her mouth, and still does it at age 5 :}

6* Kadence is also my original "blankie" -er. She has 2 silky pink blankets she has had since birth and one of them better be near her at all times. This year has been hard for her because I started off letting her take it to school to only use at nap time, and at Christmas they outlawed it lol.

7* Kadence is tiny! She can wear most of Olivia's 24 months stuff except pants are just too short lol. She does wear her dresses, leggings, and shorts though!

8*When Kadence was 8 months old, she pulled a curling iron on her arm, I tired to grab it but missed and it burned her even thought it barely touched her. She has 3 spots on her arm where it scarred but her doctor was really good about cleansing and removing the scab every other day to prevent major scarring, so you can only see it when shes really cold or if we point it out .

9* I was pregnant with Kadence when my mom passed away. She never knew her Nana and it breaks my heart :(

10* Kadence is SENSE-A-TIVE (sensitive)! She will cry like she is dying if you so much as get onto her. She gets it from her momma!

11* Kadence loves pageants! She likes getting to dress up and go on stage. She most recently won Supreme Overall in age 4-25 :)

12* Kadence once told a complete stranger helping out in her class at church, that she wanted to marry him!! I was mortified lol.

13* Kadence loves Hello Kitty! If it has HK on it, she wants it!

14* Kadence loves school too! She gets very upset when she cannot go to school like weather or weekends. She wants to know why she didn't go to school and if she is going to go tomorrow. I am dreading summer and having to break her little heart lol. On the first day this year she up up and ready to go at 6 am even though she refused to go to bed the night before until after midnight.

15* Kadence told me tonight she wants to be a cowgirl when she grows up. Good luck baby girl when you have never so much as seen a cow and barely a horse. this momma isn't a dirty country girl at all. But if that's her dream I will support it. at least until the next one lol

16* Kadence used to be obsessed with Elmo, which she called Nelmo. She, at one point, had over 50 Elmos, including one that interacted with her using her name! We probably spent over $1000 on Elmo stuff for her. We have since sold it all in garage sells, except that name one lol

17* Kadence's name came about in a wonderful way. I was well along with Madison and we had already chosen her name. When driving a song came on air1. It was by Anberlin and it was called "Cadence" and I knew someday I would have a daughter with that name. I thought spelling it with a K would prevent it from being mispronounced Candice, but it hasn't lol. She has also been called candence, and Kaden.

18* As with my other girls her middle name, Faith, has meaning as well. He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

19* Kadence has terrible allergies. She can just go outside for a minute and her eyes instantly get red and water. It looks like she is bawling.

20* Kadence's favorite food is chicken nuggets and has been since she was about 2. She never eats burgers, always chicken!

21* Kadence was an early talker. Funny since she is so shy now. I remember one day I was siting on the couch, she wasn't even 2 yet, and she came and asked me, "What your name?" I wasn't even sure I hadn't imagined it because it was so prefect and clear. Later I asked Blaine if he taught her that, or ever heard her say it. He said no. Then one day I was cleaning and Noggin (now Nick Jr) was on in the background, and the moose was saying how everyone had a name, said and spelled his and the birds name, then asked "What's your name?"! LOL Love that Nick Jr.

22* Kadence draws attention every where we go. People just come right up to her and tell her how pretty or beautiful she is, talk about her eyes, etc. They always have. I love that people admire her beauty because of course I do think she is beautiful, but I worry about people taking advantage of her when she is older, or judging her on her looks. I aim to raise her to know beauty is within because you can be the most beautiful person in the world, but if you have an ugly heart it makes you ugly.

23* Kadence's favorite fruit is apples. She loves to just munch on fresh apples. I am lucky in that my kids would rather have fruit than candy :)

24* Someone once described Kadence as "spirited" lol. Blaine and I still laugh about it. I guess it's true. She is always dancing around, busy doing something, acting silly, giggling. She is rarely in a bad mood and usually it's if she didn't get enough sleep, but sometimes even then she is just sweet as can be!

25* Kadence is beautiful, smart, funny, friendly, big hearted, eager to learn, artistic, cuddly, imaginative and more. I honestly could not imagine life without her and am thankful every day God gave her to me. She's a big helper to me with her little sisters, and at the same time, she still wants and needs me to help her do things. I just pray she continues to share her love with others and grows up knowing the Lord, loving Him, serving Him.