Money Money Money

Well it’s been a little bit since I have blogged about what is going on around here. I have been busy these past couple of days. First last week I found out that my student loan check was being held by the school for another week or something, or so I was told. Actually I was told everyone’s was in a crazy conspiracy to get more money from the government. Yeah sounds a little silly to me. So I was pretty bummed about that. Friday Lacey and her friend Liz were coming to Ft. Smith to do some shopping, so I said I’d meet up with them. It was nifty. We went around the mall, acted silly, giggly....got some cookies, went to Big Lots, and I kind of freaked out a little on the drive over because Lacey was driving and I get nervous when other people drive. Then to the Halloween Express place and off for lunch at Olive Garden. Where we taunted our server, ok maybe just I did. But she kept forgetting stuff. The food was awesome and so was the company :) 

Then they dropped me back at my car where I went to Old Navy then Kohl’s then Wal-mart and home. I spent all Kadence’s child support, but that’s ok because it was all on her! I bought some stuff for her birthday to put up in case we get broke again by then. I came home and cleaned because Blaine’s mom, step-dad, sister and brother were coming Saturday.  They were here for maybe 2 hours at the most and decided to go to Ft. Smith to get their room but said they would be back. We had Bryceton’s friend staying the night and all the kids were hungry so we went to CiCi’s pizza, and decided to stop and rent movies. While there Blaine’s mom called and said they were at Big Lots and wanted to go to Chuck E Cheese later, so we headed home to let the girls nap before going back, BUT Blaine’s mom and them hadn’t came back, so I guess they were still shopping. We left to go to Chuck E Cheese about 7:30, stayed until 10:30, and we were tired. Spent way too much money. Our 3 kids, plus one, about $40 just in tokens. Not to mention the "I’m hungrys" and the "I’m thristys" and my favorite "I need more coins" 

The next day Blaine’s family came about noon, and left about an hour later. Yesterday Blaine didn’t want to go to work he didn’t feel good, but we didn’t have the co-pay for him to go to the dr. So I said let’s cash in our cans and I’ll take you to work. On the way I decided to check the mail. I just hoped God would smile on us. And He did. There was my check  $4133. 63  YaaaaaaaaY!  EXCEPT...it’s all gone to bills. We were $1000 behind on our house, my books were $400 we owed his grandma money, we are $500 behind on our car and our loan said if we didn’t pay them $460 we had to go to court. Soooo yeah. OH and my lawyer for Madison needed $200 by yesterday, and who knows what else amount he will want. 

But we took a couple hundred and took the kids shopping. Got Bryceton some school clothes finally. All new shoes for everyone, but me :( Got some more stuff for Kadence’s birthday, the kids costumes to wear at her party and Halloween. Got 2 board games to spend more time together. And some diapers and such. And we ate. It was fun too, but I didn’t really get myself anything. Blaine got a new Warcraft game and some new shoes and boxers and a shirt. I got a shirt. But I love doing for the kids so that’s what matters I guess. Oh and Blaine is dehydrated. So he is off work until Thursday. Which sucks. We will broke again I know it.

Last but not least, I said something would happen with my Razr phone that the real estate company gave me the money for since the guy they hired stole mine. And as always I was right. We (we meaning Blaine) accidentally hit the "pay" button twice on paypal. So they tried to take twice the amount out of our bank for 1 phone. After we contacted paypal, they contacted the seller, who refunded us one of the payments. 3 weeks later, no phone. We sent a message to the seller, who didn’t respond. Sent another one, and finally they said they had refunded us, which they had, but only for 1 payment. 

So we sent them the pay conformations numbers showing the 2 different numbers and how we had paid twice, and they said we didn’t. So today I called paypal who said they would send them a message and if they don’t refund us or send us the phone by October 4th, we can get our money back by filing a dispute with them. Still it sucks because this crap phones always hangs up on people and stuff. I WANT MY PINK RAZR!

Oh and my birthday is a week from today.  Send me money lol!

For My Mom

Well it’s been 2 years today since I got that call my mom was gone. Everyone always says how it gets easier with time. Those are the people who still have their moms, or dads, grandparents, or kids, brothers or sisters. Those are the people who really have no idea what this feels like. Because let me tell you, it hasn’t "gotten easier with time" time hasn’t "healed my wounds" and the pain hasn’t "eased" So take your words and feed the crap to someone else. If anything it’s gotten worse. Before I was numb, it was like it wasn’t real. She was on a vacation somewhere and would be home soon. But as time has worn on, you have to face it. It is very real, and she is NEVER coming home. That makes it worse. Another grandchild born she will never know. Another year without hearing her voice. How can that possibly get easier? I think that’s just something people say to make people feel better. But guess what? It doesn’t work. I’d rather you say...."I wish she was here with you" or even..."You can always talk to me", at best "I’ll cry with you" Not "It will get better" Just please stop lying to me, or your friends, or heck even yourself. Ok now I am done. Sorry guys but that’s just how I feel. We went to the cemetery. I wish I had brought my camera. Next time though.... And now a little picture blog dedicated to my mom.......


This is super old. I think my mom was 14 here.


Mom and I at Lake Tenkiller in 85’


I was probably about 4 here...which would make her 23.
That shirt I have on is so embarrassing!


1987?


Halloween at her work, she won first prize!
Halloween again, with her best friend Janey!


Yeah I don’t know who that guy is, but he is cute Lol.


At some bar, she liked to go out.


She also liked to dance!


Christmas 89’. My grandmother, my mom, her sister and her sister’s husband.


She went and joined the Army.


They sent her to Fort Polk, LA.


At my 11th birthday, so she was 30! She looks so young.



Her Glamour shots.

Her ex husband and his kids and us of course, this was 1998 I think.


Nana and Bryceton going outside!


Dec 2004, right before we found out she was sick.


Our last picture together :(


3 generations.


You gotta love those pants, lol......Christmas 2001


Her wedding day Jan 2004.


And this her after chemo. She hated wearing wigs, she said they were itchy. It doesn’t even look like who she was, and even going through all that pain, she still smiles, she still thanked God, she still loved. I miss her so much, and so much do I wish I could at LEAST go back and tell her how much she meant to me and how sorry I am. I really think she would be proud of me now. I hope so anyway, I do it all for her. I love you mom.........

In Memory
Rebecca Lynne(Cross) Stout
August 31, 1963 - September 1, 2005
Our loving Nana, forever in our hearts.
We miss you.