A Little Blessing

I know I just wrote a blog, but I just had to say this. Well 2 things. One, after thinking about it, Blaine and I have decided to give Isabella 2 middle names. I already chose Serenity and wrote it in her baby book, but I want to name her after my mom. So it will be Isabella Serenity Lynne Lott. Long name, but very special meaning. I called my grandmother today to tell her about it and she told me that something happened to her last week that never happened before. She said she was standing in the kitchen over the sink, and someone tapped her shoulder. She said she froze thinking someone had broken into her apartment, and when she turned around that no one was there. She said she knows it was real. Then she said later that week she was laying in bed and she felt a big breeze blow across her face, and she scolded herself for leaving the ceiling fan on, but when she looked up, it wasn’t on. She seems to think it’s my mom. Who knows? 

I know that months ago Blaine and I had went out to eat and a movie or something, and when we got back to our apartment, this strong scent of perfume was all around our balcony and front door. I stood outside for about 30 minutes just breathing it in. Not because I liked the smell or anything, but because I recognized it. It was my mom’s perfume. I have never smelled anyone else wearing it, and I have a jacket of hers that smells like it that I won’t wash because it reminds me of hugging her. That was real to me. And Blaine smelled it to. Do you really think loved ones can let us know they are there with simple gestures? I wish I could see her face, maybe in a bowl of ice cream or something, lol. I am afraid as time goes on I’ll forget what she looked like, smelled like, sounded like. My step dad still has her voice on the answering machine and I find myself calling sometimes just to hear her. I haven’t in about a month though. It hurts but at the same time feels good. What sense does that make?

The second thing is this, my ex boyfriend James got with me when I was 2 months pregnant with Bryceton. I became a member of his family, and even after we separated, I still kept in touch with him and his parents. They come to the kids birthdays and my baby showers. They do things for us. Well when I said Madison didn’t have a bed, they gave her one. When I said I wanted to get the kids a swing set for their birthday but we were too broke, they said they would. I told them not to worry about that. Then today they call me and said they bought the kids one and was bringing it to set up. So they were outside for 3 hours putting it together. I wanted to cry. My own father wouldn’t get them one, but my ex boyfriend’s parents did. No one ever does anything for  me like that since I have lost my mom. And I just couldn’t believe it. I felt so bad about what to get the kids because we were broke, but now they will have a good birthday and a gift that will last years! I just really thank God for what He has given us, and I can’t wait for the day I can do the same for someone else. Anyways, I know my blogs are LONG. Sorry

Just an Update

Well I deleted my other blogs after I felt better. Too many people kept asking if it was about them. The birthday parties/baby shower is still on as planned. I must admit I am greatly disappointed in a couple of people who aren’t coming. Some things I understand, some I don’t. But I have already decided not to let it get me down because the people that mean the most to me WILL be here, and for that I am thankful. What’s a baby shower without your best friends to help you celebrate? So far the guest list includes 17 adults and 13 kids, including Me, Blaine, and our 3. A girl I worked with has 2 kids and a step son, and she lives here in Greenwood. She told me she was coming, then she said she’d let me know, but she won’t respond to my emails now so I didn’t count her in that list. It kind of hurts my feelings that she can’t even let me know either way. I ordered 2 cakes from Wal-mart for the kids, then I ordered mine from this fancy place. Strawberry with cream cheese frosting. YUMMY! I’ll be making punch. Everyone loves that punch. I am glad Sheryl’s mom’s friend gave me that recipe. 

We got a pinata Saturday and filled it with candy, gum, suckers, bracelets, little toys, plastic bugs, and rubber balls. And I do mean filled! Michael’s church is lending us 2 long folding tables and chairs. And I am thinking of grilling hotdogs. Another reason to know how many people will be here. The park where my dad lives is having a big Easter egg hunt that morning and we are going to take the kids there for that. Blaine’s mom and grandma will be there too to let his brother and sister hunt eggs. I think it will be exciting to see what Kadence does. She is getting so big and smart. She is starting to repeat what she hears Bryceton and Madison say. Including calling Michael "daddy". It’s so funny. when he comes to get them, they get all excited and yell "Daddy Daddy, Daddy’s here" So she does it too! Jumping up and down. "Day eee" Of course she calls Blaine daddy too. But she doesn’t understand. She just repeats what she hears. She also calls Bryceton "Bobble" Which is what Madison calls him.

School is school. I still want to quit and it is taking every ounce of strength not too. I probably won’t go back at all this summer. I really just need a break. I wouldn’t go back at all for years if we didn’t need the loan money to build a fence and pay bills off. I would be very content sitting here at home with my kids and maybe getting paid to watch a few others. Yeah that would be great. Sheryl took me out to Outback Friday night while Michael kept the kids. Was nice of her. I enjoyed it. Then we came back here and watched a movie. I kinda needed time away. I am glad she asked me. I know I am ready to have this baby. Peeing every 30 minutes and heartburn from looking at something. That’s the worst of it to me. I am used to the backaches by now. I can’t wait to have my body back. Uglier, fatter, and more stretched, but it will be all mine and I won’t have to share.

 I have decided that I am going to get my tubes tied. I am really scared of surgery, but I just can’t do this any more. Don’t get me wrong, I really wouldn’t mind another kid, I love them, but I don’t want to be pregnant again ever. My poor body needs a rest. Some of you have no idea what it has gone through, and someday I am going to sit and write about it to get it off my chest. Some of you do know. To put it simple, I have been pregnant every year since 2000. I haven’t had a kid every year, but I have been pregnant. My body doesn’t even know what it is to not be pregnant. It needs a break for real. Well I guess that's about it. I hope to see some of you Saturday and everyone else, well have a nice weekend.

Home Sweet Home

Well I am back! (Cheer cheer). This has been the longest week of my life. Moving sucks. Seriously. Hopefully I never have to move again. Wouldn’t be so bad if it were just Blaine and I. But 3 kids that are spoiled rotten with toys and clothes. Wooooo. So we got the kids bathroom finished. Bright yellow with Rubber duckies. It’s really cute. We have decided to hold off on the painting of the kids room. I have paint, and wall paper, but it’s just gonna have to wait until not so much is going on. And I’m not so ..... pregnant.

 I have been so stressed that I had a little breakdown last week and quit school. The main reason was because the stupid blazer keeps over heating and I was too scared to drive it to school, but also gas cuz it’s now 20 minutes or so to school instead of 5, and just being so exhausted from kids, and unpacking, and cleaning dog poo and stuff. So I thought long and hard this weekend. I prayed and asked God what I needed to do with my life. He told me not to give up, and gave me hope for the future. So today I went back to school. So I guess you could say I had a mini vacation. Just 3 days, and it sure didn’t help my grades at all! But the important thing is I am not going to give up. I have to do what is best for my family and not what is easy for me. I chose to have 4 kids no one else, and no one else can be responsible for their future. Plus I think about my mom a lot. What she would want for me. I want so badly to make her proud. It would be so much easier if she were here, cheering me on. It’s nice to have someone say they are proud of you. I never hear that. Occasionally from my Ya-Ya, but no one else. Words have a lot of power people. So tell someone you are proud of them. You really don’t know the difference it can make in their life.

So with that, I want to say that I am proud of my kids. They are good kids, and smart kids and the deserve all the happiness in the world. I am proud of Blaine, who not only works his butt off every night till midnight, but has decided to help share the responsibility of picking up Bryceton and Madison from Michael’s at 6 am. He takes Mondays and Wednesdays, and I get Thursday and Fridays. They stay the night here Mondays so we can have Tuesday to sleep in. He’s a good man you know. I may whine and complain, but I wouldn’t trade him for the world. I am proud of the man he has become since I met him. 

I am proud of Sheryl. She has been through so much, and she has toughed it out. She has her own house, a new car, a full time job, and goes to school. I am so proud of her not giving up when things get tough. I wish I could have some of her strength. I am proud of the friend she has become. Much more in tune to my need of space and or just to let me cry to her about my problems. 

I am proud of Amanda. She will graduate from Law school in May. I don’t know how she does it. So smart! All that studying and school work and yet still has time to work TWO jobs and spend time with her family. I am proud of Erica and Alex. Alex has grown up since meeting her. Not that I knew him before, but through out their relationship, I have seen a change in him for the better. Erica is going to be a mommy, and a darn good one! I am proud of her sticking to that and her morals, and being a good friend. 

I am proud of my cousin Melanie for keeping her job, and going back to school. And getting rid of the losers in her life! I am proud of Lacey and Justin for working things out and being the family I know they can be. I’m proud of Jade for being such a good mommy. It’s really easy to give up on your kids, or let grandparents take over all the time. I know there are so many times I wished I could get away. But not only does she take pride in her mothering, she NEVER complains about it. Never. Most parents, myself included, gripe and moan about kids. Not Jade. She enjoys it all and it shows! 

Everyone who reads this, I am proud of you too! I am proud to know you, and to be your friend. Oh Christine, because you have 3 boys and a husband, and yet I see you in class everyday. (At least the days I’m there, lol). I wish I could be like you! I know from experience that it isn’t an easy thing to do, so you, I am sooooo proud of! And I am really glad I met you! It’s nice to have someone who understands what I am going through. I know you people hate my long blogs. But so what! What else are you going to do? Perhaps you should thank me for giving you something to do rather than complain.....lol.

Ok moving on. I made myself a promise that I WILL go to class everyday. No more slacking, no more bad luck. Well you can’t stop bad luck, but I am going to try my hardest. I am going to study every night for no less than 2 hours. No more laziness. Well not so much laziness. Can’t cure it overnight, lol. We got a lot unpacked. Let me rephrase.... "I" got a lot unpacked. Pretty much everything but Kadence’s care bears, because there is like 4 boxes full, and we haven’t got the nets up yet, and some junk in our room because, well I don’t know why. I guess because I am a pack rat and save EVERYTHING and just don’t feel like messing with it right now! 

Oh we fixed the dog poo problem for now. We got this thing for dogs that screws into the ground, and hooks to your dogs collar. We have to check on her a lot because she likes to tangle herself in the bushes. But I think we fixed that by moving her out and over some. She can reach the front porch and I put her blanket out there to sleep on. We would put her in back but there isn’t any sod and it’s all muddy and junk from the rain. So the front she stays. And if we have to leave somewhere, she will go into her cage in the garage for a bit. So we are all happy. She isn’t caged up, can run around the yard and poop and pee where she pleases. We don’t have to smell and/or clean up the poo or pee and don’t have to worry about her running off, or listen to her bark about being in the cage! So yay for us all! Now I can look for me a kitty. I really want a fluffy gray one with maybe some white on it’s paws or chest. I don’t want all black, I don’t want orange, and I don’t want Calico. Soooo anyone have any kitties? Gray/white or black and white? Or just white? Oh how I love kitties!

Oh guess what? Monday I think it was...Maybe Tuesday, I opened the front door to see if Michael was here yet, and coupons fell on the ground. For pullups. Hmmmm? Wonder who could have put those there? Who do you think! I know it was HER from next door. She is really not getting off to a good start with me. Seriously. How does she know if I even USE pull ups? Which I do sorta. Madison is potty trained pretty much now, but I make her wear one at night, and Michael buys them so I don’t care. But how would she know that? Spying? Plus I don’t want trash blowing around my yard or porch. UGH. Well I better get off here and do some homework. Seems like there was something else. OH who is coming to the parties/shower? I need to know at least ONE week before. Thanks! March 31st at 3 pm.

I Miss You All!!!!

Gosh so much as been going on I don’t even know where to start. I guess by saying I am in class because we don’t yet have the internet at our HOUSE! Because it’s a new house Cox had to do some crap or whatever before they can get it switched over. I have seriously been having myspace withdrawals. You never know how much you need it until you are without. I miss all you guys, especially a certain hot pregnant chick.

 So how is the house you ask? Well it’s all been a pain in the rear. First you know that the landlord of the apartment wanted at LEAST $238 for 3 days rent, even though we told them in advance we were moving but because of a death with the reality lady's family we didn't close until March instead of February. And I was nice and said yes we would pay it. Hahahahahahaha. Too BAD! And there is absolutely nothing she can do since our lease was up. We didn’t even sign like a temporary lease or anything. Jerks. So Friday I took Blaine to work and Michael got all the kids so I could start the moving process. Blaine and I had loaded up the back of the blazer. I am glad the seats fold down. So at 5 pm I head to the house, unload, go back to Ft. Smith, reload, and I am talking about a 7 months pregnant woman walking up and down stairs about 20 to 30 times a trip. I’m not supposed to be lifting heavy stuff so I got the small and medium boxes. 

Unloading was the easy part because no stairs! After I loaded the second load, I got Blaine and I some dinner and met him at his work. We ate and he said he hadn’t been doing anything at work. All their orders were done so he had pretty much been standing around like all the other guys. So I told him to ask his boss if he could leave early to help me move. The jerk said no. Well it’s their loss if they wanna pay people to stand around, not mine. So on to the house! I unloaded that, and was so exhausted. Went back to the apartment, and got more. It took a little longer this time because I had got all the small boxes so I had to get the bigger ones, and it was kinda awkward to carry it with a big belly in the way. When I was just about done loading that load, about 9:45 pm, I see this guy walking near the dumpsters. At first I didn’t think anything of it, then he just stopped, and was staring at me. So I started to get a little freaked out. He saw me seeing him, and started walking again. I turned around to go back in, and looked and he was watching me again. I got a box and headed down the stairs, ready to beat him in the head with it if I had to. Then as I was loading it,  he started walking again, crossed the parking lot, came toward me, walked right past me and the blazer and went around the back side of the apartments. So now I am really freaked out. Not to mention he was wearing a big military style camo coat, a toboggan, and big ski gloves. It was like 50 degrees out or so. NOT the right clothes for the weather. So I called the police.

 By the time they got there he could have already raped me, killed me, and fled. But they didn’t see him anywhere and neither did I again. I took my load out to Greenwood, and came back and decided to stay in the apartment and pack some of the stuff that hadn’t been packed yet, and clean up some stuff. Then it was time to get Blaine. He said him and his friend would get some stuff while I relax at the house and take a bath in the tub! SO we loaded up the blazer together, and he drove me out to the house. By now it was 1 am. He goes and gets his friend, and doesn’t return until 2:30. I was like what exactly have ya’ll been doing? Which I know exactly what they were doing, but I didn’t think they could take almost 2 hours! I enjoyed my first bath in my tub while they were gone. It’s so deeeeeep! And lovely. I am in love for real! I have used it every night since by the way, lol. Ok so we get back to the apartment at 3 am and go to bed. Get up at 9 with the kids, well I did, and Blaine slept till almost 11. Bean was supposed to be there at 10 to help with the kids, but she wasn’t and didn’t answer her phone.

So we decided to go get the Uhaul. On our way she called and said she would be on her way soon. Get to the Uhaul place and they are all out. So we go to the Budget place and get one just before they close. Who closes at noon on a Saturday? Really? We get the truck and I go to the house with the kids while Blaine and his little buddy load up the truck. Bean meets me there and she has her son, non stop running and screaming from 4 kids the whole time. I started painting the kids bathroom and Bean kept me company. Then the "boys" get back with the truck, and unload all the big heavy stuff. Blaine said there wasn’t that much left, so I said let’s eat and get it in the blazer. We waited for Michael to get there from Guard Drill and talked him into taking Poo Poo again so we could finish, but he said we had to pick her up by 8:30. So we take the truck back to the place, but kept the keys because it was closed and we had to go back Sunday to get our deposit and pay what we owed anyways, Drop Blaine’s friend off who says "If you need more help later, give me a call" and we go eat. Get back to the apartment, and there is A LOT of stuff left. Not a little. About 20 trips in the blazer I would say. So we loaded up a load real fast, dropped it off, and went to pick up the kids, Then Blaine went back to Ft. Smith at 9 pm to get the truck again and load all the rest. We figured it would be cheaper than 20 blazer trips. 

He called his friend, who didn’t answer OR call him back. Jerk! So he had to load it all alone. Got back at midnight, and I helped him unload it, then I took a bath and he went to take the truck back and get the blazer. Finally got home after 1 am and took a shower and we fell asleep. I was so tired and sore the next day. So was he. I got up at 9:30 and started doing stuff, then made him get up at 11. Sheryl came by for an hour to see the house. Then Blaine went to pay the truck. HAHAHA $103! I almost pooped my pants. DANG THEM! Then he went to get the puppy from Michael's house. She had pooped all in her cage for 2 days and she was so hungry and thirsty. He really ticks me off. If it were his dog he wouldn’t have left her like that. Of course he expects them to be trained and all that. So I bathed her, while Blaine took her cage to the car wash. I feed her and gave her some water. Then took her out to potty. She was excited to see us, but she has been a real pain in the behind. Being in a cage all day for 2 months pooping and peeing on herself hasn’t helped. AND she poops like 10 times a day, and most of it has been in the kitchen.  We put a gate up so she can run around there but not get out onto the carpet. So we have started the house breaking. We take her out, if she goes, she gets a treat and a "good girl, that's a good girl" if she goes in the house, she gets no treat, a nose pat, and a "bad dog" A few weeks of this and she’ll get it. But I am so sick of cleaning stinky dog poo.

So anyways I guess that’s about all that’s been going on. Oh wait, Sunday we went to get the van. Boy was that fun. First we had to take the flat tire off, go air it up, get some gas in a gas can, come back, put the tire back on, put the gas in, put the license plate on, then it needed a jump. BUT people were parked on both sides of it. So we had to roll it to the middle of the parking lot, then move the blazer. It didn’t want to start. Took about 20 minutes to get it jumped. Then since the gas can only held 1.5 gallons, back to the gas station to put more in. Then Blaine drove it to the house while I followed. We are taking it to this shop Friday and they will hook it up and see what all needs to be done and give us a quote on the price. I am scared! But we have to get it fixed before Isabella gets here. Oh and by the way, painting isn’t as fun as I imagined. I haven’t even finished the kids bathroom, already decided we aren’t doing ours, and am debating on doing the kids or not. I mean I already bought the paint, but I guess I could take it back. I want their rooms painted so bad. I want them to look pretty, but I am soooo lazy.  Plus it’s a real hassle to try and paint with 3 nosey kids running around, trying to look, touching stuff, asking questions...UGH. So I dunno what I am gonna do yet. 

In other news the parties/shower is still March 31st at 3 pm at our house. Please let me know if you are going to be there or not so I know how to prepare. I don’t know when we will have the internet, but I know I can get on again Thursday in this class. I have a test so it won’t be long that I can check this. Oh and I think I am having a garage sale this weekend to get rid of junk, and make some money because we are soooo broke now. Like overdrawn kinda broke. So if any of you wanna come by and buy some crap, go ahead. Lots of baby boy clothes and some girls clothes too because I have WAY too much girl clothes, and we need money more than Isabella needs 370197407509740974 outfits she will never wear. Toys, aquarium swing, carter playpen, pooh bear infant car seat, just junk really! Soooo come on by, and gimme your money!!!! Hee hee hee.
 
Well I miss you all. I hope it’s all good in your neighborhood. OH and speaking of neighbors, Saturday, in the middle of trying to MOVE IN, that crazy woman from next door came by, we saw her walk to the door, but she didn’t knock or anything. So finally Michael just opened it, she let herself in and started telling us the same things she already did, and introducing herself AGAIN and saying how she would babysit for us. HUH? I am not leaving my kids with someone I don’t even know who seems loony as a bat. I appreciate her gesture, but dang she could have gave us a chance to get moved in before she came by...seriously, have some respect! Ok really now that’s all. I think. Goodbye and sorry this was so long!