A lot of Lotts: Easter

Ahhh Easter. A wonderful holiday! The best in my opinion. But holidays are very hard for me. It's hard not having my mom here to go to church with me. To bring gifts to my kids. To hide eggs and open presents with them. It's hard not having any where to go for Easter Lunch, Thanksgiving or Christmas Dinner, Mother's Day. I always get really down around holidays. But I just put on my fake smile and blink away my tears. For the kids. I have to.

I think if I had some close as family type friends things would be easier. But everyone is usually busy doing their own thing with their family. They don't know what it's like to lose their mom, at such a young age too. They don't know what it is like to not have grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins. There was so much more I needed to know. So much more to learn. So many stories I wanted to hear. I wasn't done. But her time was and there's nothing that can change it.

Imagine your kids lives without anyone but you and your spouse. It would feel somewhat empty and gray I bet. So maybe I spoil my kids a little more on holidays and birthdays than some people do. But no one else is going to do it for me. No nana's or mimi's or pop pops. Not pappy's, or grannies, or memaws. Not for these kiddos. And it's really even more sad to say that my dad who is alive has nothing to do with them. I try to go out of my way to bring them over and get him to spend time with them and he sends them outside or tells us to watch tv. He couldn't even tell you all their names I bet. He doesn't come see them at Christmas or come to birthday parties. He has never gotten them a card or picked out a gift. He doesn't pray for them or hold them. Everything my mom would do hundred times over if she could and he could care less.

I'm really glad everyone had a wonderful Easter. I did too as best as I can because my Savior lives and I have my kids. I am very blessed in that and I know it. Just do me a favor, and think about what it's like to be me and my kids. And maybe try a tad bit harder to be a little bit friendly next time you see someone you don't know so well, because you never know when your kind words or even a hug, could mean the world to someone just like me. Maybe post on their facebook, send a text, or an email. Just a little comment like "I know this is a hard time for you" or hey friend I know today will be rough, well it isn't that hard to do and it really could make someone feel really good. It's good to step outside of your own little box of rainbows and sunshine sometimes and spread it to someone else.