Easter

Ahhh Easter. A wonderful holiday! The best in my opinion. But holidays are very hard for me. It's hard not having my mom here to go to church with me. To bring gifts to my kids. To hide eggs and open presents with them. It's hard not having any where to go for Easter Lunch, Thanksgiving or Christmas Dinner, Mother's Day. I always get really down around holidays. But I just put on my fake smile and blink away my tears. For the kids. I have to.

I think if I had some close as family type friends things would be easier. But everyone is usually busy doing their own thing with their family. They don't know what it's like to lose their mom, at such a young age too. They don't know what it is like to not have grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins. There was so much more I needed to know. So much more to learn. So many stories I wanted to hear. I wasn't done. But her time was and there's nothing that can change it.

Imagine your kids lives without anyone but you and your spouse. It would feel somewhat empty and gray I bet. So maybe I spoil my kids a little more on holidays and birthdays than some people do. But no one else is going to do it for me. No nana's or mimi's or pop pops. Not pappy's, or grannies, or memaws. Not for these kiddos. And it's really even more sad to say that my dad who is alive has nothing to do with them. I try to go out of my way to bring them over and get him to spend time with them and he sends them outside or tells us to watch tv. He couldn't even tell you all their names I bet. He doesn't come see them at Christmas or come to birthday parties. He has never gotten them a card or picked out a gift. He doesn't pray for them or hold them. Everything my mom would do hundred times over if she could and he could care less.

I'm really glad everyone had a wonderful Easter. I did too as best as I can because my Savior lives and I have my kids. I am very blessed in that and I know it. Just do me a favor, and think about what it's like to be me and my kids. And maybe try a tad bit harder to be a little bit friendly next time you see someone you don't know so well, because you never know when your kind words or even a hug, could mean the world to someone just like me. Maybe post on their facebook, send a text, or an email. Just a little comment like "I know this is a hard time for you" or hey friend I know today will be rough, well it isn't that hard to do and it really could make someone feel really good. It's good to step outside of your own little box of rainbows and sunshine sometimes and spread it to someone else.

My Beautiful Kids, minus Madison Grace :(

They looked so sweet in their outfits. Sure are growing up. I wish my mom could see them and hold them just once.


Yay! Buckets!

Tulsa is the place to be!

Last Friday I had lunch with my friend Sheryl when she mentioned taking her girls to the Tulsa zoo, but her husband had to work. Well so did Blaine so I thought it would be a fun trip just us mommies and our kiddos. Fun is not the word lol. Stressful, hectic, and maybe loud ha! No, we did have some fun. We left a little too late on Friday because it does take time to pack for 6 kids, we stopped at Whataburger in Broken Arrow of course then right to a hotel.

Well actually to 3 hotels trying to find the perfect one lol. We needed an indoor pool and a suite for a king ;)

We got just that and went right to bed and got up at 6 am for breakfast. Then we took a swim and then came back and showered for the zoo only it was raining. So we decided to wait out the rain at the mall. They had a Tangled adventure at the Disney store and all my girls got a nightgown, flip flops, tshirt, bag, cup, and Barbie of their favorite princess. Isabella loves Belle, Kadence loves Rapunzel, and Olivia loves Ariel :) Bryceton got Phineas and Ferb lol

We finally made it to the zoo but it was cold and misty and not a lot out. So back to shopping and eating then we just decided to head back. The zoo gave us free passes though for another day.

So Wednesday Blaine was off for 2 days and we decided to head back just as a little family. It was only our second family "vacation" I know Tulsa isn't Disney World or even Branson, but we definitely enjoyed it being away from home and seeing all the stores :)

The sun ended up coming out Thursday when we got to the zoo and we just had a wonderful time.

We took the kids to build a bear and let them each get something. Our big Easter present to them this year! We decided we can go back on their birthdays for special family time and let them pick stuff for their bears (Kadence got a bunny).

Moments and trips like this REALLY make me miss my mom. It's so hard not to have any family. I think people think just my mom is gone, but I really have no one. There isn't anyone in my life that wants to be here for my kids and do things with them and spend time with them. No one cheers them on or sends them presents for special days. If I have a bad day I can't call up my sister or aunt or grandmother. If I am sick and just need some help around here or someone to take the kids, there isn't anyone. It's horrible. My mom should have been there on the trip with us, taking pictures of us, splashing with her grand kids at the pool. We never have pictures of us all together because I am always taking them. Sorry not trying to drag down the happy moment I just want everyone to know how lucky they are and not to take the time and people for granted.
And though I do have a couple of good friends, it just isn't the same as having family. I won't ever have mom and daughter time with my mom, so I know I want to be there for my kids as much as I can while I can!

Things are really crazy busy around here with bows school pageants etc. But hopefully things settle down soon. I am really thankful for the time I had with the kids last week and even though some minutes I wanted to pull my hair out, I would never trade it for a thing!